One Year Ago

One year ago I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. At first I was relieved to have a diagnosis, but that quickly turned to worry once I realized there is no cure (except to have your colon removed). Each new medicine would help at first, but then my symptoms would return, often worse than before. And each time, the medicine would get more expensive.

This talk really describes how I have felt during this year. When I think about last April, I just remember being in darkness. The pain and exhaustion consumed me. I have always felt confident in my faith, in my testimony. But this really challenged my faith. I felt "anxious, confused, and disoriented" in this dark place. I knew God was still there, but I felt like prayer was a waste of time. What's the point of prayer if God's "will" will always be done?

But I kept praying. I wanted to be filled with the Spirit so that I could receive personal revelation on how to live with my colitis. I worked on being more obedient and diligent in keeping the commandments. Including things like going to bed early and arising early (D&C 88:124). I started going to the temple every week which required a sacrifice of sleep, because the only way to make that happen was to go early in the morning while my family was still sleeping. And by being in the right places at the right time, I was blessed with the counsel and inspiration that I needed. These places included being in Sacrament meeting, Stake Conference (including the adult session), and listening to General Conference (including the Women's Session).

As I exercised my faith, I was blessed to see that God was with me. Elder Scott's last talk in General Conference has really stuck with me. Life is hard, and it is supposed to be. But as we actively come unto Christ we will be able to endure "every temptation, every heartache, every challenge we face."

I can testify that the Lord does visit His people in their afflictions (Mosiah 24:15). Colitis has been a blessing in disguise. It has forced me to grow a lot this past year. My faith is stronger, my understanding of prayer and the Atonement have increased tremendously. My love for the temple has grown. I have a greater desire to serve others and help lift their burdens.

God will not abandon us, but He respects our agency, and we have to choose to come unto Him.

I am so grateful for the birth of our Savior. The gift of God's Only Begotten Son is what makes hope possible, even when we feel surrounded by darkness. I love this time of year, when we can celebrate the Savior's birth and life. And I am so grateful for the good family and friends that have helped me carry this burden this year.

As Tiny Tim says: "God Bless Us, Every One!"