It's a Hard Enough Life

No cute post of my adorable children this time. This one is about me.

I've been having some health issues since P2 was born. It started out small, but it gradually got worse. I finally went and saw my OB/GYN the Friday before Thanksgiving. She gave me a prescription and told me to start taking a fiber supplement. I diligently started a daily fiber supplement. By Thanksgiving day I was dying. The pain was almost as bad as giving birth. I finally realized the fiber was making my condition worse, not better.

My husband and dad gave me a priesthood blessing Thanksgiving night. It was a beautiful blessing, and the words were truly from my Father in Heaven. There were things mentioned that had been on my mind a lot that I hadn't mentioned to anyone.

I wasn't really blessed with healing, but that we would be able to get a quick diagnosis. That I would be strengthened to bear this burden, that I would see the hand of God in my life, and that it would strengthen my testimony.

On Black Friday, I tried calling doctors but everyone was closed. PE discovered our downstairs bathroom had flooded and spent most of the day trying to fix a leak in the wall. This ended up being a tender mercy, because it kept us from taking an expensive trip to the ER which would have turned out to be useless and frustrating. I finally got a hold of my OB/GYN, and she told me the ER wouldn't be able to do anything, and that I needed to try to see a gastroenterologist on Monday. I was feeling a little better since I had stopped taking the fiber supplement, so I figured I could last until Monday.

First thing Monday, I called the doctor, and the earliest they could see me was Wednesday. Bummer. So we set up the appointment, and at the end of the phone call she told me to go to their website and follow the 2 day prep instructions. Turns out they were scheduling me for a colonoscopy (which you have to fast a day and a half for) so Wednesday morning really was the earliest they could have me in. I just figured they would want me to actually talk to a doctor first before we did anything like that.

So I went in on Wednesday and the doctor found severe inflammation of my lower colon. It was either an infection that could be treated with antibiotics or it was left-sided ulcerative colitis. We needed to wait for the biopsies to come back to know which one it was. The doctor gave me some medicine to start taking right away in case it was colitis, and told me to make an appointment with him next week.

I was relieved that they had found the problem. It truly was a quick diagnosis, and I was just grateful to know what we were dealing with so that I could get treatment. However, after getting home and researching colitis on the internet, I began to get discouraged. It is a chronic disease, so there is no cure. But there are medicines to help keep it under control. Not exactly what I was hoping to hear. But as I was feeling discouraged by this new trial, a friend of mine posted a link to her new website about how pregnancy had left her in a wheelchair. I was already aware of her situation, but as I read about her hope and faith, it helped me to look at my trial with the right perspective. Definitely another tender mercy!

The biopsies came back and were negative for infection. That meant it was colitis. I went back to my doctor, and he ended up putting me on new medicine because I wasn't improving as fast as he wanted. Unfortunately, the new medicine meant no more nursing my baby. That made me sad. But it's only for a few weeks and then hopefully we can go back to nursing. P2 has never loved the bottle, so the tender mercy this time was that we had just started her on solids, so I at least knew she wouldn't starve.

Another tender mercy was that two of my sweet friends came and cleaned my house for me (even though they are both busy with little children). It was so helpful and sweet of them, and it was nice to just talk with them.

When it comes down to it, life is hard. And I believe it is supposed to be hard, so that we can grow and develop, and become stronger. We are given mountains to climb so that we can reach our full potential. Everyone is going through some trial. I've been amazed at the trials I have seen others go through. Friends that have lost their mobility. Others who have had stillborn children. Some have lost parents. Some struggle with infertility. The list goes on and on. We are all climbing mountains, and can use all the kindness and help from each other that we can get.

And during our trials, it is always better to look up. God will help us. As we look to Christ, He will strengthen us to bear our burdens, and we will find rest in Him. When I was in a lot of pain with my colitis, I just kept wondering "Why?". Why would Christ choose to suffer all of our pain for us? That is so much pain and agony. My pain alone was more than I wanted to bear in that moment, yet He choose to suffer ALL pain for us. For me. And the answer is, because Christ loves us. He suffered all things so that He could lift us up. So that He could bear our burdens when it is too much for us to carry. So that we can make it home to our Father in Heaven.  I love my Savior, and am so grateful for His humble birth and for His willingness to suffer all things for me. He is the Gift that we celebrate this Christmas season, and it is truly the greatest gift that has ever been given.